Sometimes, I get emotional. I can get emotional about people that I care about or the situations that I’ve been in, but mostly, I’ve also learned how to remove myself emotionally from the things and people that I don’t care about.
You might wonder how I could separate it so easily. Or how I could anticipate what I can be emotional about. I’ll admit it’s a pretty cool trick to master because it’s my secret sauce to getting things done. How do I do this? I compartmentalize my thoughts – I separate myself emotionally from things that have no bearing on me, and things that I can’t do anything about (I’m not talking about big stuff like global warming, or famine – there are ways to help organizations that are involved). I hear that it’s mostly what men are good at (that may not be entirely true), but surprisingly, I’ve been doing this for years.
Learning this comes in handy when you need to get things done. For example, when I was working as an editor for a regional design magazine, I made sure I had a regular schedule – go to work on time and get out of the office on time too. Why? Because I had to make sure I get home and have dinner by 8pm so that I can work on my website until 3am. Now you might be asking, magazine work is tough and demanding (and you’re right) – while I might be able to pull off the schedule well, how did I manage my time and emotions juggling a demanding day job, while having the energy to continue with my personal work after my day job?
It’s easy – I have a game plan. I knew what I needed to do, and I was adamant about not sacrificing quality on either one. I made sure to do my best when I was at my day job so I wouldn’t feel guilty about not putting in effort when I was home. Conversely, I didn’t want to think about whether I was making progress on my website when I was working on my day job. So I managed both as separate entities and made sure the distinction was clear in my head. It saved me a lot of mental anguish – and I’d rather save that time for making things of value instead of re-creating damaging thoughts that wouldn’t have lead me anywhere.
Think about the times when you’re angry, or frustrated at something that has happened to you. You could chalk that up to being emotional. It’s not a bad thing at all, so don’t make people make you feel that it is. What you do with all that emotion that’s bubbling up, now that’s where it counts the most.
Because emotions can be so powerful. While it can motivate you and make you burn, it can also have the potential to go completely 180 degrees and make you feel dejected, hopeless and paralyze you with fear. How you respond to these emotional outbursts can vary from people to people, and it’s often time unpredictable at best.
Let me give you an example: how would you feel if you saw a colleague or a peer doing better than you? It can go either way, or perhaps even both ways: you feel a sense of pride, you’re happy for them, and you reassure yourself that you can do the same. Or instead, you might feel jealous, timid, and unworthy. Which way your emotions swing will determine how you’ll respond – it will determine whether you’ll try harder by pushing yourself out there, or whether you’ll be sitting on the couch, loading up on potato chips, watching daytime TV and not having the willpower to move for weeks on end while feeling sorry for yourself.
So I propose you try this simple experiment: whenever you feel angry/sad/frustrated/jealous with someone or you’re in a situation that makes you sweat, try to find the real reasons behind those emotions. Dig deep and acknowledge what you’re feeling. And what that means is to not allow external influences exert their power over your outcomes. By knowing and believing what you’ve set out to achieve – no matter if you stumble or fall along the way – you’ll be able to better control your emotions, and eventually, influence your future outcomes.
Having a game plan would allow you to say no to negative experiences, while allowing only positive thoughts to fuel your journey. The trick is to be emotional on things you care about and where you can make a difference or change, instead of being emotional about things you have no control over.
Just remember to choose wisely!