Things I’m afraid to tell you

Ez has a special post going on over at Creature Comforts – a special segment called Things I’m Afraid to Tell You, and I was just thinking about this the other day. About how bloggers may seem to have it all when the reality is that we are just human. I thought I’d join in because I’ve been in one way or another affected by this phenomenon and I want to put it out there that we’re all not as shiny as you think we are.

I have a limit for looking at blogs/Twitter/Facebook.
I get anxiety attacks when I read too much about what other people are doing. I am competitive by nature and having a web presence does nothing to quell these fears. Sometimes I feel like I’m being too hard on myself – while many people aren’t aware of how blogs are just a snapshot of someone’s life, likes and dislikes that it doesn’t represent the whole picture – I’m a blogger myself and I should know better; but I feel envious all the same.

Also, I’ve taken time to be in the present more as I pry myself away from social media. I’ve had bouts of loneliness wash over me at the most random times a few years ago (read this if you want to know more), and I’m careful to maintain a balance.

I love working with illustrators than actually being one.
I draw (more now than ever), but I’m not deluded – I still have a long way to go. I love how seeing how other people work and understand the reasoning and concept behind a piece, which was why I started the blog in the first place.

I also find that I’m drawn towards art and the subjective more and more – which leads to me asking myself a lot about what constitutes good art and illustration. I’m still exploring as I type this!

I used to be afraid to look at myself in the mirror for days
I had a really, really bad bout of acne when I was a teenager, and I had braces on top of it all. Back then, I couldn’t bear to have my pictures taken and I still fidget when I have to be in front of the camera up to this day.

So I totally understand what it feels like to be stared at for the wrong reasons and be asked all sorts of insensitive questions. For those who suffer from low self-esteem – I know exactly how you feel.

And there you go! Remember, behind every blog is a person with feelings, warts and all.

Thanks so much for putting this out there Ez!

17 Replies to “Things I’m afraid to tell you”

  1. Kelly says:

    What a wonderful and honest post. Thank you so much for writing about this! It’s true that you read people’s blogs and think they live perfect and productive lives, but they’re just the same as everyone. And they’re also extra happy sounding because they’re doing something they like (blogging!) 🙂

  2. Flora says:

    Great post, Amy. Very refreshing and honest x

  3. Gerlin says:

    Really great of you to post this Amy! It’s difficult for people to realise that online presence is just a tiny segment of a person sometimes. I know exactly how you feel as I used to have really bad acne for years and was super self-conscious about it. I still hate having any picture taken too. These days I am a pretty confident lady, however, and I try to be as positive as possible. Well I’ve always pretty much done that, despite looking pretty terrible as a teenager. All I can say is that everyone has fears and hopes and what’s most important in this life, is to do stuff you love. Even if it’s not out in the open, then at least do it for yourself. Give yourself some credit. Everyone’s good at something.
    And, Amy, you’re great at running Pikaland! It’s grown out to be such a great place and somewhere lots of people go to discover new artists so well done you!!

  4. Nadine says:

    thanks for sharing this post, Amy! I’ve always wondered how perfect bloggers are with their inspiring posts and not-a-sad-post day at all! I’ve always felt the pressure to blog about happy and good things and not what I truly want to blog because everyone loves something happy and positive. just want to let you know that I’m always supporting pikaland—even though most of the time I’m pretty much a lurker (:

  5. Helenb says:

    I understand completely. I have to limit my blog and pinterest because it pollutes my creativity and messes with my individuality.
    I maintain a small group of followers and we support each other through a weekly drawing challenges and a couple of posts during the week. I can see how it could get out of hand and even my small contribution to the blogging world has to time managed it must be quite time consuming and you would need to be disciplined to handle a blog community such as yours or how about orange or swissmiss. My hat goes off to you for your great and largely unsung efforts.
    Your blog is one of the few that I visit a couple of times a week. I find it informative relevant and unintrusive creatively it lets me discover new things without swamping me.
    Blogging can get monotonous though so everyone needs to take a little break sometimes or look beyond the blog for some variation to keep you fresh.
    Teaching has allowed me to get out amongst it participate in the peopled world and helping aspiring designers set and achieve their goals is very rewarding and provides the balance to the solemanship of being an Artist/blogger.

    Thanks for broaching the subject with such honesty.

    Helen 🙂

  6. Chez Chouke says:

    Dear Amy,

    it’s all recognizable to me too. I sometimes feel odd when I swipe all the mess to one side of my room and take nice pictures for my blog while if you could look 1 meter aside you would see what my room really looked like: a normal, not perfect place with some nice corners. I’m thinking of making a project of it to show ‘the real thing’ instead of shiny perfection. That could be fun actually!

  7. Ersi Marina says:

    I do so understand you! Having a blog can easily sweep us off our feet and onto a realm of imaginary well-being that we need to uphold again and again. Even worse: we can fall into the trap of continuously promoting a public image and becoming a product ourselves. We are walking on the edge here and maintaining our balance is a difficult feat. I admire what you do, acne and ‘warts’ included 🙂

  8. Masha says:

    I think I’m starting to like you 🙂

  9. Jacqueline says:

    When someone writes as much as you do we the readers can feel and get a sense of who you are. You cant hide it. You come across as real and someone who is inspired and wants to inspire. Any blog that is laced with the ego of “you should all aspire to my lifestlye” doesnt feel good. People dont know that even on a blog we can see them and we can see when they are not being real. You feel like the real deal. Sweet post.

  10. Helenb says:

    chez chouke

    my husband laughs at me when Im setting up to take blog pics the cleansing of one corner of the house to take pics without the mess and yes I do sweep it in piles to one side only to place them back in their disorderly array moments later too true!

  11. Internet can be so deluding and distracting. I tell myself all the time that I want to draw more, but actually I’m sitting more behind the computer than that I draw in a day. We bought a dinnertable (finally) last week so I hope that helps, because it looks very ‘inviting’, like I’d rather sit there than behind the pc. And yes, all those a.m.a.z.i.n.g illustrators out there…you don’t know about their real life. Count all your blessings, I know that life can be hard sometimes, but it’s not all about ‘who’s the best’ it is how YOU can be YOUR best, and that sometimes also means not focussing on drawing and getting better. 🙂

  12. I was a pimply, frizzy-haired teenager. Discovering hair mousse was a significant turning point in my life 😛 Going on the pill (which cured the acne) was another. Why oh why didn’t my mother just hand me a can of mousse and a box of contraceptive pills for my sweet 16th?

  13. Roni J. says:

    This is such a neat post. I can really relate to the overwhelming internet presence in my life. I used to take blogging SO seriously, I would actually lose sleep over it. I wanted buttons, and features, and comments, and tweets. Then I realized that all that is great but doesn’t mean half as much as the blog itself.
    I take pride in documenting my work and my artistic process. I have learned to stop taking myself so seriously, and enjoy the ride.

  14. vivian edelson says:

    Thank you, Amy for writing the above post – it really moved me –

    take care

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